i think my tv is drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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