He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
