Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize