I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
