also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
