a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love you. Go after that dick
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