Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
