You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize