I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
