Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
