We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
