The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
