The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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