how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
