Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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