Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
