watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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