: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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