You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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