I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
