We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
