I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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