I need to stop coming to work sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
