Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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