my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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