found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
