pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
