Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
