Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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