i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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