It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
