quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
