I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
