she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have post one night stand depression
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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