wrigley field is MILF paradise
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize