I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
