PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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