Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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