So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
