yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
