I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
