I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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