I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
