I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
