I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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