Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
