Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
