Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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