I'm going to jail i love you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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