sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
