Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need water and some morals
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize