remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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