cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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