Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize