Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
