If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
