i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
