god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
