Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
