I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
