GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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