I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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