I puked a lego.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
