Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
