I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
