had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
