Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
