Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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