the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
