woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
