you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
