Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
