He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
