Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
