.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
