its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
