Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
