It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
