if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
