shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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