I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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