I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize