atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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